what do you see

how close to the mirror
do i have to stand
to understand
who i am

this is not me

this is not me
this is not who i am or what i am or what defines me
i'm not being real
i'm not being who i really am so that you cannot touch
who i may turn out to be
and its is not me
this is not me that you see this is your impression of me and nothing more
a short blond 5 foot 4 who may have brains
and may not be what you think i am
prep jock weird crazily confident in a self concious way
and this is not me
this is not me because you haven't taken the time
so say hello
or goodbye
or seen me laugh smile or cry
and this is not me
this is the mask i wear so that i am who i wanna be
and you see what you wanna see
and this is not me
this is not me
this is not me
but what if it is
what would you do
would you know it
if you saw it
would you know truth over lies
or do you choose not to know
somethings are better left untold
this is not me
?
?
?

i feel lost

i
i feel
i feel lost
i feel lost inside
i feel lost inside myself
i feel lost inside myself and
i feel lost inisde myself and don't
i feel lost inside myself and don't know
i feel lost inside myself and don't know what
to do
to get out
i can't seem
find the way
to escape
myself

shadows on the wall

love me love me not
love me love not me
love not me
for you'll see i'm not what you see
you see a shadow of me
a shadow of what i used to be
left lifeless by loves lies
and i am wondering where time flies
to when its all over
is it over, over there
or only here
in my cold appartment where
pages lay shredded made to tear
down the seams
splitting like broken dreams...
of lovers lost to unknown sources
and i lay questioning all my choices
wether asking you to stay
or was it to go
i guess we'll never know
what makes you stay
or go
to stay or go

sec ti ons

why do we compartment our lives off into sections
life work love friends and our leisurely selections
we seem to have 5 different faces to wear
into the different phases of our day
clothes for work and home and play

why do we have to mentally say
well its just all work and no play
can't we just come to realize that our life is what we make
what we're feeling and how we're doing all has to relate
instead its
work is bad
love lifes a drag
and i'm mentally in a state

this feeling of breaking our lives into pieces makes
them easier to loose
the pluzzle never seems to fit together and this is what we choose
we choose to differentiate the aspects of our lives
and then we wonder why theres no one around
to tell us why

ughhhhhhhhh

there are times when i just feel like a heavy heart
and there no exhale deep enough to
get it off my cheast
i feel like i just want to rip something apart
but instead i yell and scream and cry
because i don't know what ails me
no i don't know why

i wonder if my heart is dark
and i wonder if i'm the only one
who feels like theres always something wrong
i smile and i laugh but then it all falls apart
for no reason i have no clue
but i'm left looking like the darkest shade of blue

i have no explination for these thoughts
no reason i scream at you
it doesn't make me feel any better
for hurting you
so i'll guess that its just one more time
those exhales wont seem deep enough
to let it all go
those tears won't come fast enough
for anyone one to know

one day (repeating)

one day i will stop questioning myself
one day i'll understand
one day i'll cry myself to sleep and i won't be sad
one day i'll know why i want
one day i'll understand how to smile
one day i'll know why we question our dreams
one day i'll understand doubts
one day i'll see beauty in the mirror
one day i'll write all day
one day i'll hug a stranger
one day i'll talk until dawn
one day i'll sleep with a grin
one day i'll dance with my eyes closed
one day i'll stand in the rain without worrying about after
one day i'll understand why i'm waiting for that one day
one day
one day i'll be a somebody
one day i'll be a somebody
one day

island hopping

no man is an island but i often
question what is it then that keeps me so alone
i reach out and find myself swimming through quicksand
the more i try
the deeper i get
and the less likely i feel to find my way out
sinking sinking
i want to yell scream
shout out
why not me
why not me

why

I dunno
If I wanna be
Who I am
So i SLAM
To let it tell me
who I'm meant
to be

lesser

I find it strange to think
18 years gone by
and I have not found the
thing i seak
a cause worth to die

I travel through life the
struggle and strife without
much of a thought
while others solider on
more battles to be fought

I've never gone hungery
for long
felt my stomach yell at me
never looked at water
when it was brown and
filled with dirt
out of a bottle
or a tap
was quite good enough for me

am learning lesser lessons
for not struggling these
or is the daily quest for
reason enough of a task
for me

Lovin Risk

People always tell you
to look before you leap
but no one warned you
about falling in love
with me
see i'm all about the
risks
theres never a garentuee
ya never know
how it'll go
when ya fall in love
with me