do-ing

is it natural
to feel alone again
cutting through life you
my ownly friend
ink and parchment
paper and pen
not really sure when this
all began
but i don't want it to stop
racing time like a clock watch
time me from here to there
but what if i go no where
cuz i'm running in my mind
its running all the time
and the sun never sets
and the planes never jet
cuz don't need to be moving to
know where i am
and i don't need to be talking
to speaking the plan
the ideas i got are the ones that got me to you
and you and you are the one that
brought me here
what about the sun and the wind in my hair
was it all just an illusion
lies becoming an obtrusion
and i can't seem to take this any more
lying on that floor
i stair up at the sky and i wonder
why
and i wonder why
wonder why...

one day (repeating)

one day i will stop questioning myself
one day i'll understand
one day i'll cry myself to sleep and i won't be sad
one day i'll know why i want
one day i'll understand how to smile
one day i'll know why we question our dreams
one day i'll understand doubts
one day i'll see beauty in the mirror
one day i'll write all day
one day i'll hug a stranger
one day i'll talk until dawn
one day i'll sleep with a grin
one day i'll dance with my eyes closed
one day i'll stand in the rain without worrying about after
one day i'll understand why i'm waiting for that one day
one day
one day i'll be a somebody
one day i'll be a somebody
one day

island hopping

no man is an island but i often
question what is it then that keeps me so alone
i reach out and find myself swimming through quicksand
the more i try
the deeper i get
and the less likely i feel to find my way out
sinking sinking
i want to yell scream
shout out
why not me
why not me

forgetting

please don't go forgetting me
cuz i'm not going to
please don't go forgetting me
even though long gone
I won't be forgetting you
like a favorite song
stuck in my head
makes me smile
all day long
round and round
goes round in my head
and its something that i can't help
change or regret
i want you to remember me
like your favorite song
something you'll smile at
something to make you happy
dont go forgetting me
i don't wanna be just a memory to you
don't go forgetting me
i'm so scared thats what you'll do

you'll never know

you'll never know that I found out about you lying from your dad
and he didn't know you were lying either
and i think both him and me figured it out at the same time
and you'll never know that i think you invited me out of pitty
but that i didn't care
and you'll never know that the pitty invite made my week
possibly month
and you'll never know that i know how sad that is
but didn't care
and you'll never know that i wrote for an hour with a blazing headache
and tears streaming down my face
my nose so clogged tissues were as useless as an
nalgene full of snad in the desert
and you'll never know what you meant to me
and you'll never know I would have drank
that nalgene if it could have brought you back
to what you were
and who we were
and what that meant
was that i was too sad
to lonley and too weak to know
that you'll never know
and that thats all that mattered

why

I dunno
If I wanna be
Who I am
So i SLAM
To let it tell me
who I'm meant
to be

silent heartbreak

heartbreaks aren't noisy
there is no screaching breaks
no screams before the crash
no shattering of glass on the kitchen floor
no screaming high pitch noise that pierce your ears
heart breaks are silent
they are tears streaming down your face that you
look up into the lights to try to dry
they are the tears that stream down your face
without a noise
without a trace
no one to whipe them away
no one to make them dissappear
no one to make your head clear
its all irrational
its all in vain
no one will ever know
that heartbreaks aren't bus crashes they are the
slient jumpers in the night
the ones that no one hears scream

what happens when i watch a movie

I wanna have short hair and be proud of my fizz
i want to be confident enough to wear my grandma's pears
and leggings that wouldn't even make nice curtains in said grandma's house
i wanna be brave enough to root for a dead beat dad without hesitation
i wanna be secretly or not so secretly admired... i'd settle for even admired from afar
i wanna make guys with feathered hair swoon
resort to their squeaky almost pre puberty voices when asking me out
i wanna best friend named ducky for fuck sake
i want a guy to confess his true love for me on my bed when i'm not there
or when im there
or when i'm asleep and he wonders if i can hear him
and i wonder if i'll ever here
i live to like you
and it takes a while to realize
where the poetry is in life
but once you find it
its all pretty in pink

unravelled

i always though you were gentle
delicate and such
smooth like fresh layed pavement
but your more like gravel than i
care to admit
and you told me to unwind
but instead i unravelled
being to get dizzy in this city
of blinding lights
and its not to light or to dark
whether you feel when we are appart
that its too long since you've been gone
and there are no words to say
what helps me through the day
is knowing what you feel shoulda coulda might be real
and i feel,
i feel
i feel as though i'm float through mid air
but not like a feather,
like a fraight train off a bridge
horn blowing and water coming into view
and knowing that its through
but not wanting to see
so i close my eyes hoping
hoping it'll dissappear on me

**** ******* means...

Is it strange to think
that after all of it
all of the shit
after the petty lies
and the tears that i cried
after the silence became defening
and my trust lessing
after the come back
bring back life to the eyes
after the smile and hug
and laughter and sighs
after the smile that i was
unsure of
was it for me
afraid of you still being able
to crush me
after all that we've done
and all we've been through
the one that i want to talk to
is still you

non domestic

i was not born in a way
that makes me naturally better at dusting than you
that makes me naturally better at cooking though you can hope so
that makes me naturally want to clean up after your skanky ass comes home
i am not made for this
i work and breathe and get tired too
so who are you to say to me
honey can you get that for me
back the fuck off bitch i was not born to be your maid
or your slave or your domestic house elf
so please don't ask me
to do what i was born to do
i was born to make you realise
you can do it it too

blue period

he was one of those modest artist the kind
that you can't convise he's done right
to him its always something wrong
a brush stroke a pen stroke
a shade to dark
but we all fall in love with the art
or him

he was like his art a perfect looking piece
something you thought you couldn't attain
something i fooled my self to believe
that i was in the presence of a god
a michaelangelo of modern arcrilics
and i was...
the blank canvas
and you choose your time with me
to go into that melodramatic blue period
the one where everything looses its hue
turns cold and shows a broken soul
kinda like you
turned me into
that depressed blue man
sitting on the side with no one
to catch me when i cried
or died
inside

procrastination of death

i am procrastinating to die
cuz i don't think the time is just right
yet
i know its coming but
i'm going to try to keep runninng
cuz i'm not ready to say goodbye
i have to much left to see
to much to discover
to much left to be

I have yet to feel beauty of a lover
who loves me for me
and nothing else matters
when we are together its just
us forever and ever
watching rain or sun or lighting strike
i have yet to be crushed by the man
the one who takes my hand but
breaks my heart
and makes me understand that pain
isn't a sharp knife in your chest
its your heart shattering
and leaving you outta breathe
a choke hold so strong
that your not sure how long you have
i have yet to see the smile
of a child
who bears my name
and my eyes
the one who will make me understand
why i'm procrastinating
to die

white is right

I dunno who taught these kids
that they can become racist pigs and its ok
'yo why don't you go back to africa ya lil bitch'
is what they say
cuz you said it and he said it and granddaddy too
a bunch of white kids in suburbia don't know what to do
how easy it is too lose
your mind
when time after time after time
all i see
is people just like me
telling people just like you
you don't belong, this country isn't for you
and i want to slap them up side the head
and ask them
who the fuck are you
you don't have indian blood flowing through your viens
who are you to say this country isn't for those
who came over on planes
only those on ships

modern immigration is always illegal but what
our ancestors did was noble
trying to make the world global
the left because of oppression
the belief in what is right
but now this is what we've come
to
half a nation who believes
that right is white
so what is wrong?
what is wrong
what is wrong

critics

dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum
stupid stupid stupid stupid
you'll never
you'll never you'll never
you'll never understand
never amount to
what do you know
what can you do
you'll never amount to
you wouldn't under
you'll never amount to anything
you wouldn't understand
what do you know
what can nyou do
you'll never..
you'll never...

give your best
give it your all
trying is the most important thing
100% effort
(you'll never amount to annything)
give it your best
give it your all
give it everything you got
(you wouldn't understand)
are you trying your best
this isn't enough
i don't know if your really trying
(what do you know about the world)

i'm sick and tired of hearing nothing
but this
and you wonder why you people make me
so sick
(we're just trying to help)
let me find my way
my way
my way

generations to follow

its hard to write uninspired
but there is so much to do
the world is burning up outside
and i'm buring within
at the politicians who think of nothing
but greed and power and sin
i don' tunderstand what qualifies a man
to think nothing but himself
to believe his life is more important
than those who follow after
when will we learn that we live for today
but tommorrow as well
and those who fallow after us
should never have to ask
why didn't you do something
why didn't you act

i will not be the one to say
i couldn't do anything m'dear
i couldn't say that to you

coffee and cologne

and you were gone
like a blown out match
something you can't get back
but you didn't even leave a trail
no
but you did leave the smell
the smell of coffee and colonge
and the indent in the pillow
which will fade...
like the smell
and then i wont know you
and more
because thats what you were
to me
coffee and colonge
the morning wake up call
the reason to wake up
and now
i'm left here
laying next to the pillow
that used to hold you head
trying to grab to the smell

rappin'

I dunno what truth has got on me
but that little fucker won't let me be
barking up the wrong tree at me
and i'm not coming down
you know i see the light but
who says i wanna live right
i wanna write play fight
i don't want to be richeous good or true
i wanna make others see red black and blue
you too
you must understand
what it takes to be who i am
in this society you must be faking it
or taking it
but you sure can't wait for it, to take you
the more love you got, the more its got you
wrapped around its finger like a vice
loves a game that you can't play twice
one roll two dice
and i'm hoping what i land on is
where you'll be
but i dunno if your gonna be hoping to
land with me
loves mystery continues even after
we are found
i dunno if you like me
but i hope that you do
i dunno if you love me
but i know that i do
this is too much to hope for
loves a game that you can't play twice
one roll two dice
one roll two dice
no second chances or screw ups or redos
the game is up
and its just me and you
and i'm left sitting on the side lines
writing these ryhme lines like i know
whats true
but i don't know shit more than you
but i don't know shit more than you
but i don't know shit more than you

chain gang

and they beat back life with a stick
for not giving them their chance
for chaining their feet together
and not letting them dance

they shouted at the beauty
which they never had known
and the sons they lost
never having seen them grown

they cried for the women the loved
the ones too far gone
for the warmth they once shared
now lost for to long

they sang about the days of smiles
the ones that never stayed
for the soft grass and trees
when they were napping in the shade

they whispers for those lost
in the shuffle of the trade
for the shallow love they carried
all the way to the grave

they beat back life with a stick
and they never had their chance
for the people who cut their legs
and never let them dance

family paparazzi

please say cheese just one more time
give a big smile for me
my cheek bones hurt holding the smile
for the family paparazzi

every christmas its the same
same family chairs and food
but everyone one to seems to be
in a kodak sort of mood

lil' girl dreams

for the girls
in the shadows
waiting for the light
the dark and hansom
stranger waiting
in the night

the ones that never questioned
that he would come along
the ones that never wondered
what was taking him so long

to the ones that kept on dreaming
night after night
the ones that kept on believing
that mr wrong was mr right

eyes

sprinkling star dust
like sugar i look up
and wonder
what makes the night so enchanting
is it the ever changing
shape shifting positons
or the knoweldge of
watching the past
before more
leaving me breathless and panting

the white stars shine bright
but they are not what i see
i look at the beauty of the night
its the darkness that i seak
for without the black the white would be
simply a dot without a glimmer
it is the black that surrounds the
stars that let them dance and shimmer

and i wonder if your eyes are
like the skies
and its the darkness in which i seak
its not the blue skies
within your eyes
but the wells of darknes
that comfort me

lesser

I find it strange to think
18 years gone by
and I have not found the
thing i seak
a cause worth to die

I travel through life the
struggle and strife without
much of a thought
while others solider on
more battles to be fought

I've never gone hungery
for long
felt my stomach yell at me
never looked at water
when it was brown and
filled with dirt
out of a bottle
or a tap
was quite good enough for me

am learning lesser lessons
for not struggling these
or is the daily quest for
reason enough of a task
for me

anger

Mother natures got a temper
from what we do not know
but i keep hearing them buisnesses
saying them trees has got to go
so she'll was away our cities
and leave us crying in despair
for the thousands ontop of roof tops
waving into the air

we pave the hills and mountains
for easier country drive
and she'll produce a flood
leaving them high and dry

stop fighting me she screams
through the torando's wind she shouts
but we are too busy building shelters
to shut mother nature out

screaming

I wondered what I sounded like
screaming
God grew quite and heard
nothing
I felt like the world was water
and it was flowing all around
but I couldn't swim fast enough
and found myself drowned
in
the lake of bullshit that had been
fed to my brain since i was
old enough to know
that what i know was nothing
but its all i had to
keep on trudging on
through the world that i see
but i was always left wondering
did god grow tired of me

city sleeping

The city may be sleeping
but i can feel it breathing
down my neck
I'm stepping into the night
squinting into the
the glare of the
bright lights

Walking and wonderin'
whats your dreaming
while you sleep
but this night is changing
cuz your sleeping
next to me

Wandering down the street
i keep on pacing down the
block
wondering what time it is
hoping that my door won't
be locked

oh i know i've made mistakes before
and now i'm standing
at the door
wondering whether or not
to knock

Its like every time i turn around
its not what i expect to see
Im wondering when i was left
standing here with just
me for company

im the only one who gets it
the only one that understands
the only one who knows what
i'm going through

your the only one to fix it
the only one who understands
the only one who doesn't know
what you do...

I wonder what ya thought about
when you said we'd would be
just like two peas in a pod
just you and me

and i'm wondering what you were doing
that day you passed me by
there was someone in your car
that day
someone on on the other side...

the swell season

Sometimes the wind
stops ceasing to blow
and it throws me
straight into your show

you play with my heart
like a puppet on some strings
and when they break you
simply
fall into the wings

soaring through the air
like a bird with no sky
i look down and wonder
what its like to cry

is it too much to be
someones lover today
is it too much to be
sleeping in the sea

this is the swell season
and the waves wash over me
this is the swell season
and all i can smell is the sea

i am wandering the beach
no foot prints beside me
gods to heavy to carry
or maybe its just me...
maybe its just me...

adventurous haiku

i'm coming outta
the closet and can't find pants
can i borrow yours

migit man and the
giant are dancing the night away
to hanson may i add

mmmm bop dah ba do
dop do da pa do bop da
shoot me in the face

excuse me sir your
pants are ringing... no singing
the drunk hears nothing

i weave around
puke wondering how the hell
you can puke up glass

apples to apples
the pre-drinking game has gone
ary: kilts got pass by

dude if i had a
big mac in my hand i dunno
what i'd do, do you?