and you...

you leave me confused
and i
and i
and i don't know exactly what i'm trying to
say but i'm thinking if i say it really
really really
really fast
then maybe it will sound
like i know what i'm talking about
when i really have no idea
because

you leave me confused
like a tourist in the middle city
looking up at the sky as if
a map of my destination
may be printed up there...
or maybe you leave me scared
like a pregant mother at 16
not sure what to do
who to talk to
scared shitless of whats going to happen next
and not even sure
if she wants to find out

and i still don't know
how you do this to me
how you mke me feel like i've never
spoken an intelligent line of dialogue
and that no matter what i say
around you, your green eyes will still
sparkle enough to make my knees weak
enough so that i think the world notices
but not enough that you do

and you... you leave me breathless
like a kid watching fireworks for the first
time,
brilliant and bright not wanting them to
end though knowing they will soon
and not wanting to watch the end
cuz then soon
it'll all be over
and you leave me wondering
wondering like 5 year old with
lighting bugs,
wondering how do they brighten up the night
and wanting to just hold them in
their hands
even if only for a moment

shadows on the wall

love me love me not
love me love not me
love not me
for you'll see i'm not what you see
you see a shadow of me
a shadow of what i used to be
left lifeless by loves lies
and i am wondering where time flies
to when its all over
is it over, over there
or only here
in my cold appartment where
pages lay shredded made to tear
down the seams
splitting like broken dreams...
of lovers lost to unknown sources
and i lay questioning all my choices
wether asking you to stay
or was it to go
i guess we'll never know
what makes you stay
or go
to stay or go

island hopping

no man is an island but i often
question what is it then that keeps me so alone
i reach out and find myself swimming through quicksand
the more i try
the deeper i get
and the less likely i feel to find my way out
sinking sinking
i want to yell scream
shout out
why not me
why not me

you'll never know

you'll never know that I found out about you lying from your dad
and he didn't know you were lying either
and i think both him and me figured it out at the same time
and you'll never know that i think you invited me out of pitty
but that i didn't care
and you'll never know that the pitty invite made my week
possibly month
and you'll never know that i know how sad that is
but didn't care
and you'll never know that i wrote for an hour with a blazing headache
and tears streaming down my face
my nose so clogged tissues were as useless as an
nalgene full of snad in the desert
and you'll never know what you meant to me
and you'll never know I would have drank
that nalgene if it could have brought you back
to what you were
and who we were
and what that meant
was that i was too sad
to lonley and too weak to know
that you'll never know
and that thats all that mattered