lips don't lie

i wonder why it took me
this long
to find out that you'd be
the one in my song
the one i'd try to write into my dreams

and im thinking about how you looked at night
whether you were smiling when
i turned out the light

but i know when i leaned in i caught your eye
and i didn't need the light to tell me
if you smiled
cuz the shape of your lips can't tell a lie

in those moments

I seeked through silent hours
the truth that would not show its face
from behind closed doors it lay dorment
only peaking out once in a while

and at those moments my heart race and
blood pounded
and i was silent
though it seemed as everything was louder
i worried you could hear my thoughts

and at those moments i felt i could almost
open that door
that truth lay behind
and at the moments i felt i knew it finally
and it was at those moments
i most wanted to shut the truth in the door

for it was following those moments
that i wanted to cry
and it was following those moments
that i felt most alive
and it was following those moments..
that it seemed that if only i could
just
let
truth out
i
could
breathe
easy
again

finding me

I wonder when i will be comfortable being me
in these clothes these shoes these hats
i still don't know where my soul is at
trying to find it my pocket next to guitar pics
and loose change
and your number
and i wonder where it could be
i want to find you but less than i want to find me
i want someone to wake up to but not more than i want
something to wake up for
im not depressed or sad im just
looking for myself and
it seems i'm look behind wrong doors
i keep running into dead ends and dead beats
who try to do nothing but distract me from
finding me
and thats what i need
i need to hold me until morning and love that i wake up with me in my bed
i need to stair at myself in the mirror and like what i see
i need to find
me

forgetting

i think you might be the most beautiful thing i've ever seen
and i know i've said it before
that sunset over the lakes and
the sunrise on the mountain but
i think i mean it this time
i think those eyes could mean a life time of smiles and i
finally understand what its like

to get your breathe taken away

to feel your heart start to race for no other reason then
i see you

and i finally understand sweaty palms and stammering and
how running away seems like the better option...
but im trapped
and thats how i want to be
close to you but its also torturous
to know that you have no idea
how tortured you make me feel and..

and...

and i forget what to say
how to laugh
what to do
how to hug
how to smile
did i smile
how to be interesting
how to be me
you make me feel more alive then i've ever been and yet
you make me forget how to be me

questions

I don't know whether to pitty those who don't know the truth
or to shout it from the rooftops
is it better to let the city sleep than to leave it restless like me
i want everyone in the world to know that i don't know who to be
i don't know who to think of when i close my eyes
its all muffled inside and its been clawing at me
like a monster under my bed i
rush to turn on the to make the fear go away
but then im just left shivering under the fake pretense
that day light makes things clearer
but it doesn't
day light shows me confusion
makes mirrors reflect my reflection isn't who i imagine
its hard to believe thats what you see when you look at me
i don't feel like that
that mirror image of me is not who i think that you see of me
and i stand shivering in the silent light of my room
hoping the monsters under my bed will stay there

feel like dust

I want to climb a mountain in the fading light
to feel what its like to have dusk settle on my shoulders
to understand when the trees exhale
what it smells like when flowers wilt
and the rocks relaxing
into the night i climb
until i too
feel like
dust

all goes black

Who will you be when it all goes black
when the sun shuts out the lights
when moon turns its back
and the stars stop shining and the
darkness is blinding
who will you be when it all goes black

Who will you be when the wind blows the warmth away
and night takes over the day
when the birds cease to sing
and the sirens start to ring
who will you be when it all goes black